I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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