By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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