Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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