You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
