I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
