haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
