out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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