Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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