Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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