just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
