careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
