my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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