ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
