Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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