i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need a burrito and a hug.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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