so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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