i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
