And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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