Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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