You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
