True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
