I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize