You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
