Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
