We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
