Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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