I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
