Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
