I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
