things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
