you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
