i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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