do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
