She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
