he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
