Where did you get a picture of my penis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
