onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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