haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
