would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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