There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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