Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize