What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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