let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
