Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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