Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
