billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
