Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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