I love black thongs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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