i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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