Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
