Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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