my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
