I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
