Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
