I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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