whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
