i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
