It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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