I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
