He told me they were just razor bumps!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
