He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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